You see, I've learned a few things from watching A&E documentaries about the Mafia. you're not mad at me? Oh, I meant everything I said about you. I've had to develop some serious acting skills to have sex with Chad.Ĭhanel #5: So. What about that fit you threw down there? Yeah, super sorry about what happened down there.īecause, you leg humpers, I voted for Zayday. No! I am never talking about anything ever again! I know it's on me that I chose idiots and weirdos to be my minions, but you are by far the most idiotic and the most weird, and so I blame you more than any of them for not finding a way to ensure I retained my presidency tonight.Ĭhanel, come on, let's talk this through. I hate all of you for letting me down tonight, but, Number Five, I hate you the most. Clearly there is only one person to blame for all of this. It's not my fault that, because someone is k*lling Kappas, I didn't have time to individually bribe each and every one of you to vote for me. It's not my fault that some people didn't vote for me because they're too intimidated by my hotness. It's not my fault that my pumpkin patch was canceled. What? No, I'm not gonna be copresident with a pledge!įarty McCandlewax clearly miscounted the votes!Ĭalm down, Chanel, it's not Farty's fault. I know it's not ideal, but I think you and I would make great copresidents. It's never happened before, but Kappa bylaws state that the two of them would rule together. I am simply a victim of my times.Īre you aware your pants are on backwards? Years before the Psychoanalytic Society of America decided there was money to be made by creating what they called the autism spectrum, I would have been considered a daydreamer or quirky, like a young Zooey Deschanel. Or are you one of those idiot savants who's heavy on the idiot, light on the savant? I only gave you the job of tallying the votes because I thought you Rain Man types were super good at counting. Zayday: The Red Devil kidnapped me and took me to his evil lair.Ĭhanel: Tonight we cast our votes for the next president of Kappa House. If someone found out my dad is Charles Manson, everyone would immediately assume the k*ller is me. Chanel #5: Fine, Roger, I'm coming with you.
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